My Midnight Sun-Balancing-Part 5

The new scent that permeated my surroundings made me tense for a moment as I went through my usual struggle for self control, but I was surprised to notice it was easier this time, as if my body had already been primed for this reaction.

“How did you sleep?”  I managed to ask her, already knowing the answer.

“Fine.  How was your night?”

So many answers to that.  Wonderful.  Intoxicating.  Magic.  Beautiful.  I released the breath that filled my lungs and along with it, the burn.

“Pleasant.”  I smiled.

“Can I ask what you did?”   

My smile broadened.  Of course, she wouldn’t know how much her question felt like an interrogation, even if she was the offspring of the Chief of Police.

“No,” I answered.  “Today is still mine.”

We drove to school and spent our free time much as we had the day before, with me asking her the questions.  Medium questions—not the trivial ones of yesterday, but also not to the depths I really wanted to go... not yet.

My mind was troubled, meandering down paths I both welcomed and regretted.  There were questions I was desperate to know, yet wasn’t sure I wanted to: Did she have feelings for anyone else?  Had she ever had feelings for someone else?  

Then I realized, it was her response to the cologne question yesterday that first got me started down this path.  Started tugging at the outskirts of my mind, not leaving me alone.  What was this feeling that ignited my predatory response?  Was it jealousy?  

Whatever it was, it was powerful.

My Midnight Sun-Balancing-Part 4

If Bella was more restless than usual last night, tonight she was as still as the dead.  I went rigid at the thought, every muscle reacting to the unintended metaphor.   I told myself not to be stupid and bent down, allowing my muscles to stay taught, reflexive, just in case.  

I was glad for her peace, her stilled soul.  Her lips parted slightly in untroubled slumber, moving almost imperceptibly as if she would speak had she not been so deeply unconscious.  They glowed silver in the faint light of the moon shining through her window.

For some reason even I was not fully aware, I took great pleasure seeing her like this; it stilled my own soul as well.  Like water rushing over the deep crevices of a desert floor, it seemed to saturate an old and desolate yearning, seemed to vindicate my own craving for rest. 

The next morning, only a brief moment after Charlie left for work, I pulled up in her driveway and cut the engine.  The air had a new energy to it, clean and fresh.  The smell of rain was present, as usual, but there was more.  My heightened olfactory senses picked up the touch of the sun warming things miles away, drifting in and blending with the odor of wet earth.  It was the smell of the sun, I knew, headed this way.  I had the windows rolled down to take it in, and I rested my elbow on its ledge.

Bella stumbled out of her house looking happy, radiant even, and joined me in the car.  What made her so beautiful?  It was far more than her attractive, well-placed features.  A beauty that came from the inside out, making those features glow.  I felt myself smiling without a conscious command to do so.  I couldn’t shake that odd feeling again.  The feeling that she fulfilled the purpose of my existence just by being.  

This set off another short-lived war between the two sides of my nature.  The human asked me how this could be any good for her, remembering Alice’s visions of the meadow.  Of Bella’s reaction...to something that would cause any normal human to run away screaming.  The monster inside me took great pleasure in the thought and wanted to smile too at the proximity, but the human just had to have its say.  It reasoned that the purpose of my existence in her life was still to protect her, to be her guardian.  And that I needed to be completely, thoroughly, careful.

My Midnight Sun- Balancing- Part 3

I closed my eyes and focused my mind on the pictures in her head. The visions always started out a little skittish, uncertain. But then the images settled, images of bright light, crystalline reflections, and other things… things that made me suck in my breath in surprise and guarded alarm.


“See? Everything will be more than alright.”

“But how? How will I manage—“ I began.

“We’ll go hunting tomorrow.” And then the thought... I’ll go with you. I can see that no one else will join us, but what does it matter?

“And hunting will keep me safe enough… alone with her?”

“You saw what I saw,” she sang, but then abruptly changed her tone to forced severity. “Sometimes I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”

If you only knew. You and Carlisle. “You give me too much credit. You don’t feel how I struggle. How easily I could go, the other way. Just… slip.”

“Well, whatever you decide to do, it works,” she announced. “Just remember that. Maybe even believing in yourself is the key to it all—your ace in the whole, as it were.” She smiled, rather proud of herself.

I hoped she was right. Placing my hands on her cheeks, I kissed the top of her spiky head, and said, “Thanks, Alice”.

I had some time left to me before Bella would be asleep, so I filled it by playing the small piano that occupied one corner of my room, content to avoid the baby grand downstairs… even if it would be heinously gratifying to annoy a certain person watching television.

I seated myself on the shiny black bench, closed my eyes, and took an instinctual breath in. Stroking my hands across the keys—feeling their pleasant smoothness—I let my mind take control, thought and emotion spilling over. Somewhere in between, muscles interpreted the movements that should be made, and my fingers began to work.

After a while Alice slipped in and joined me. I slid over, giving her the bottom hand while I took the top. She started in on Music Box Dancer, informing me of what it would be by a wispy little thought… not asking, but a slightly smug expectation. I smiled, shook my head very slightly, and let my fingers tread the familiar keys. That’s Alice for you.

When the song was over (with a few creative additions), we drifted into a game we often play, where she makes up the top hand and I—keeping up by mind-reading—supply the accompaniment.

We played until twilight gathered the last remnants of light. When the darkness was complete, I was off again; off to spend the night the way I liked best.

My Midnight Sun- Balancing- Part 2

As I came into the house, through the door this time, I steeled myself for the deluge of accusatory thoughts. I was not disappointed. My eyes met first with Rosalie’s, who was sitting on the sofa next to Emmett. Both were watching an episode of The Office. Laughing, Emmett was completely oblivious to me. Rosalie, on the other hand… well, she was not.
I wasn’t really in the mood to hear her homicidal raving right now. I flew up the stairs, my goal undeterred.
It didn’t take long to locate Alice. By the tone of her thoughts, I knew exactly where I would find her.
I walked quietly into her room, where she sat at her computer desk—as I knew she would be—passing the time by online shopping at some designer website or another. She made her purchases and logged off just as I was entering. She had been expecting me, of course.
“Look who’s worrying himself silly…”
A part of me wasn’t sure I liked Alice’s comforting tone. How could she feel so heartened with such a tragic end in sight? But there was another part of me that clung to it like a desperate man struggling for air.
She got immediately up and came to my side, taking me by the hand in a reassuring gesture. “Come and sit and tell me everything that’s bothering you.” She led me to the brown leather sofa at the other end of her room. I steeled my hands to my temples and sat down, stiffly.
“You know perfectly well what’s bothering me. No need to waste time.”
“Don’t you sometimes just want to vent?”
“No.”
“Alright then,” she sighed in her light, wispy way, “what can I do for you?”
“I need to know, Alice. About Saturday. I can’t go if there’s any chance—“
“Do I look like somebody who’s worried to you?” She interrupted, arranging her features so that they looked abnormally untroubled. “You have to see this for yourself though,” she said with barely restrained enthusiasm, “Look with me.”