My Midnight Sun- Balancing- Part 3

I closed my eyes and focused my mind on the pictures in her head. The visions always started out a little skittish, uncertain. But then the images settled, images of bright light, crystalline reflections, and other things… things that made me suck in my breath in surprise and guarded alarm.


“See? Everything will be more than alright.”

“But how? How will I manage—“ I began.

“We’ll go hunting tomorrow.” And then the thought... I’ll go with you. I can see that no one else will join us, but what does it matter?

“And hunting will keep me safe enough… alone with her?”

“You saw what I saw,” she sang, but then abruptly changed her tone to forced severity. “Sometimes I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”

If you only knew. You and Carlisle. “You give me too much credit. You don’t feel how I struggle. How easily I could go, the other way. Just… slip.”

“Well, whatever you decide to do, it works,” she announced. “Just remember that. Maybe even believing in yourself is the key to it all—your ace in the whole, as it were.” She smiled, rather proud of herself.

I hoped she was right. Placing my hands on her cheeks, I kissed the top of her spiky head, and said, “Thanks, Alice”.

I had some time left to me before Bella would be asleep, so I filled it by playing the small piano that occupied one corner of my room, content to avoid the baby grand downstairs… even if it would be heinously gratifying to annoy a certain person watching television.

I seated myself on the shiny black bench, closed my eyes, and took an instinctual breath in. Stroking my hands across the keys—feeling their pleasant smoothness—I let my mind take control, thought and emotion spilling over. Somewhere in between, muscles interpreted the movements that should be made, and my fingers began to work.

After a while Alice slipped in and joined me. I slid over, giving her the bottom hand while I took the top. She started in on Music Box Dancer, informing me of what it would be by a wispy little thought… not asking, but a slightly smug expectation. I smiled, shook my head very slightly, and let my fingers tread the familiar keys. That’s Alice for you.

When the song was over (with a few creative additions), we drifted into a game we often play, where she makes up the top hand and I—keeping up by mind-reading—supply the accompaniment.

We played until twilight gathered the last remnants of light. When the darkness was complete, I was off again; off to spend the night the way I liked best.

My Midnight Sun- Balancing- Part 2

As I came into the house, through the door this time, I steeled myself for the deluge of accusatory thoughts. I was not disappointed. My eyes met first with Rosalie’s, who was sitting on the sofa next to Emmett. Both were watching an episode of The Office. Laughing, Emmett was completely oblivious to me. Rosalie, on the other hand… well, she was not.
I wasn’t really in the mood to hear her homicidal raving right now. I flew up the stairs, my goal undeterred.
It didn’t take long to locate Alice. By the tone of her thoughts, I knew exactly where I would find her.
I walked quietly into her room, where she sat at her computer desk—as I knew she would be—passing the time by online shopping at some designer website or another. She made her purchases and logged off just as I was entering. She had been expecting me, of course.
“Look who’s worrying himself silly…”
A part of me wasn’t sure I liked Alice’s comforting tone. How could she feel so heartened with such a tragic end in sight? But there was another part of me that clung to it like a desperate man struggling for air.
She got immediately up and came to my side, taking me by the hand in a reassuring gesture. “Come and sit and tell me everything that’s bothering you.” She led me to the brown leather sofa at the other end of her room. I steeled my hands to my temples and sat down, stiffly.
“You know perfectly well what’s bothering me. No need to waste time.”
“Don’t you sometimes just want to vent?”
“No.”
“Alright then,” she sighed in her light, wispy way, “what can I do for you?”
“I need to know, Alice. About Saturday. I can’t go if there’s any chance—“
“Do I look like somebody who’s worried to you?” She interrupted, arranging her features so that they looked abnormally untroubled. “You have to see this for yourself though,” she said with barely restrained enthusiasm, “Look with me.”

My Midnight Sun- Balancing- Part 1

I didn’t go back to hear the conversations in Bella’s house. I didn’t lurk in the shadows, waiting to see how the elder would slander me. In truth, I was afraid of what I might do. And what I might do would not to help my standing with Charlie.
Why Charlie’s intentions bothered me so much was a mystery, even to me. I turned it over and over again in my mind all the way home. Because honestly, I’d come close to doing things to Bella that some people would say is even worse than using her. Killing her… for example.
Which reminded me… I had other things to worry about. Like Saturday. Like being alone with Bella, knowing that no one in the entire universe knew where she would be. No one human, anyway.
Another reminder… I needed to see Alice. I needed to see her visions of Saturday. To tell the truth, I wasn’t entirely sure I wouldn’t just snap if I were alone with Bella for that long. And I didn’t want to risk it if there was any chance I might slip.
Dead. Or a vampire. Alice’s two, very unacceptable endings. Neither would happen to Bella. Ever. Unwilling to look too far into the future, however—as doing so did nothing for me but bring up far too many troubling questions—I would just be sure that, in the very least, neither of them would happen on Saturday.

My Midnight Sun- Complications- Part 5

This one is a bit bigger than the last few, because it finishes off the chapter:

I cursed internally. I mentally slapped myself. I was so focused on Charlie’s thoughts that I missed the Quileute’s, even though he was the closer of the two. And it seemed he was not alone, either.
Right now he was focused on telling his son which house was Charlie’s, as the son seemed to be the one driving (and brimming with excitement to the point of distraction). The elder hadn’t seen me yet. And hopefully when he did, he wouldn’t recognize me.
“Not good.”
“What is it?” Bella asked, alarm in her voice.
“Another complication.”
I swung the door open abruptly and moved back to my own seat, likely too fast for a human movement.
I tried to ignore the thoughts from the kid, so that I could say goodbye to Bella. It was a little difficult, though… he was practically screaming them.
So glad I get to see Bella again. Can’t believe she thought I was sixteen. I think she likes me. Really seemed interested in my stories… can’t believe someone so pretty likes me so much. I wonder who she’s with, though. Probably just a friend. He sure has a nice car…
Ah, yes. The young Quileute. Didn’t Bella say his name was Jacob? Jacob Black. Ephraim Black’s descendant. Obviously the unfortunate soul who had the force of Bella unleashed upon him.
Then, to my utter dismay, I heard not only the father’s words, but regrettably, his thoughts.
“What’s he doing here?” He mumbled darkly, whether to himself or his son, I didn’t know or care. Presently, I was a bit more preoccupied by his thoughts.
A Cullen. How do they think they blend in? Dangerous. Even look dangerous. Wonder what the hell he wants with the Swans. Wait, is that Bella in the car, with him? Could have killed her! Must be waiting for the right moment. No, they haven’t broken the treaty yet, but I’ve never seen any of them associate with humans before, either. One can never be too safe, especially with Charlie’s own daughter. Course I can’t tell Charlie. Have to make up some story. A rumor or something. Tell him that the Cullen kid is interested in his daughter and has no good intentions…that’s true enough. Maybe some kind of bet… that he’ll take advantage of her and move on. No matter, I’ll make sure Charlie keeps his daughter away.
I’d heard enough. And our time was very brief now, besides.
“Charlie’s around the corner,” I said.
She gave me a quick smile of goodbye and jumped out. I could hear the conflicting emotions coming from the car at the sight of her. One of pure exultation, one of even greater fury.
I composed my face in hopes that Bella would not see the anger I struggled to restrain. Anger… because I could handle the truth better than those made-up lies. I could even handle the warning that I was dangerous. Probably safer for Bella if Charlie did worry about her. But I would not be content with him believing I would use Bella in that way. I would not be content with lies.
The moment Bella shut the door, I sped away.

My Midnight Sun- Complications- Part 4

“I like the night,” she responded, off-handedly. “Without the dark, we’d never see the stars.” That little pucker returned between her eyebrows as it did when she put some thought into something. “Not that you see them here much.”
I couldn’t help my answering laughter. She was like a breath of fresh air; in some ways above her years, in others as innocent as a child. Where did she get such faith? I couldn’t get over the way she was always so sure it would all work out. And yet, I felt the need to give balance to that view. Practical matters must always be considered.
“Charlie will be here in a few minutes… so, unless you want to tell him that you’ll be with me Saturday…” I threw out, doubtful.
“Thanks, but no thanks.”
If it wasn’t for the time of day, I knew my temper would have taken over. But right now I only thought it was sweet, her overdose of faith… even if misplaced faith.
She gathered her things and met my gaze again. “So is it my turn tomorrow, then?”
For a moment I couldn’t think what she was referring to, and then I remembered… of course, the questions. “Certainly not!” I retorted with mock fury, “I told you I wasn’t done, didn’t I?”
“What more is there?” she asked, genuinely perplexed.
I smiled. “You’ll find out tomorrow.”
I reached across her for the door handle, admittedly a shameful excuse to get close to her and feel the energy climb, my arm nearly brushing against her. But as I grasped it, I suddenly realized why the friend in Charlie’s thoughts was so strong, magnified.
He was coming home with Charlie now. Or, more accurately, he was in his own car and would be here before Charlie, before I had any hope of being gone. And, what’s worse, I figured out, too late, who the friend was.

My Midnight Sun- Complications- Part 3

“Charlie!” She exclaimed, and then sighed, as if sad. She’d apparently lost track of time as much as I had—so much for her put-out sham. “How late is it?” She asked unnecessarily as she looked at the clock on my dashboard and then back up at me, apprehension in her eyes.
A few more minutes. I leaned my head back against the headrest and made an effort to absorb this last moment with her. I looked her in the eyes and felt that hollow empty flip, the human taking over. The want of something other than blood… it was the time of night. Every night, for as long as I’ve been changed, I have a very brief amount of time… just as the sun begins to set… that I feel like I imagine I once felt, before I became a monster. How I longed for a world where I could be this way forever, where I could hold her—no interruptions, no danger, no hindrances.
“It’s twilight,” I said, almost reverently. With my heightened vision I could peer through the clouds in the west to discern that burning globe, so far away, almost fully over the horizon. I wondered if there were other suns setting on other worlds where it was possible for someone like me and such a fragile human to be together.
My thoughts wandered, maybe to places it shouldn’t… It was almost easy to think of being something other than vampire at this time, when the melancholy slipping of the day seemed to take with it all the uncomfortable appetites, the hunger, the pain… and replaced it with new ones.
I could feel her eyes on me. Intense, probing. I turned my eyes to meet hers.
“It’s the safest time of day for us,” I explained. “The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night.” Just another tally mark on the slate of non-existent time. “Darkness is so predictable, don’t you think?” I smiled at the thought of some inconceivable change in the pattern.
And yet it happened to me. Bella came into my world, and it was truly as if, one night, the sun didn’t set.

My Midnight Sun- Complications- Part 2

So I realized I need to make these shorter, being a blog and all. That way you can read the entire thing or just random small ones :) Here's the next section:

If my mood was somber before, it suddenly became lighter as I saw Bella stumble out the gym doors with a big smile on her face that seemed reserved just for me. I couldn’t help but return the smile, all worries dispelled for the moment by her pure and childlike joy.
In the mood of this moment, I commenced my questioning. She was more unreserved now when she answered, even animated, and I felt her joy settle into what might be left of my soul. Truly, I could spend the rest of my life watching her talk and I would be content.
I drove her home after school, bouncing questions off her all the way. The rain was heavier than usual, so for Bella’s sake I took extra care and drove ridiculously slow. We spent the rest of the afternoon in my Volvo in front of her house, talking until late. Nearly too late.
Time flew by, even for my world where time barely existed. It was just so calm and pleasant, listening to her voice above the noise of the torrential rain. And even though my senses discerned the ring of each raindrop individually as it made contact with the car and windshield, I’ve long since learned to tune it out. As my attention was focused on Bella, the vivid pinging was peaceful instead… the chords of an instrument playing in the outlying portions of my mind, providing background notes to the sound of her voice.
I was so focused, in fact, that I lost track of the time until I heard Charlie’s thoughts a short distance away…
Barely reserved excitement over something outdoors with friends, by a river—must be fishing, and the thought of one friend seemed somehow familiar, amplified…
Bella trailed off when she noticed that my attention was diverted. “Are you finished?” she asked, relief in her voice.
“Not even close,” I answered brightly, and then let my voice drop to a more sober note, “but your father will be home soon.”